9 - BEAU WEBB - UNKNOWN WEEK - DESOLATION & DESPAIR

MANNY, CAN YOU HEAR ME....

It has been several weeks now and I have not heard from Manny. I have no idea what happened. Did she forget about me? Did something happen to her? I feel so all alone. It's hard to stay positive in a world where there is no-one but yourself. I am beginning to think that there is no-one out there who can help me get out of this wrinkle in time. This parallel universe.

And...to top it off, there was a fire in my cave and I lost some of my items...and part of my journal was burned...

Days come and go. I don't even know what day it is anymore. Is it night? Is it day? Days just roll from one to another. 

I wake, but I don't want to get up. I lie in bed thinking, always thinking...maybe thinking is a bad thing...thinking of happier times...will I ever be happy again? Will I ever eat pizza again?
I eat....it doesn't matter what...some trash fruit...anything I can find. I eat but everything tastes bland. I am not sure why I keep eating...just habit I guess.

But I can't eat anymore fish...that lovely fish I caught the other night, well, the waters here must be contaminated...I was SO sick for three days...so, no more fish. 

My prized trash gardening plants are withered and parched...almost like a reflection of how I feel.

And I lay down beneath the stars and ask why...why am I here? I don't have any more answers...I don't have anyone to talk to...even if it's just reading some e-mails...I have run out of ideas...

I am always tired...even after sleeping all day and night...I am tired.

..and when I think of doing something, I just feel so TIRED thinking about what I am going to do that I end up doing nothing at all.

And I when I do think of something to do...my concentration is gone...I do something...and then I forget what I was doing...ummm...why did I go here?

I feel paranoid all the time, like I am being watched.

One day it got so bad that I screamed into the air...if you're watching me, come and make yourself known!"

I am sad...I am alone...I am afraid I am losing hope.

But last night, I fell into a restless sleep...I dreamt of my Grandpa. Besides being an astronomy professor, he also loved playing his guitar and singing all those "oldies" tunes.

And in my dream he is singing to me....

"Now if you feel that you can't go on
Because all of your hope is gone"

"And your life is filled with much confusion
Until happiness is just an illusion"

"And your world around is crumblin' down

Darling, reach out, come on Beau, reach on out for me

Reach out, reach out for me"

And while I am dreaming this...I recognize those words...words to a song long ago..."Reach Out-I'll by There" by The Four Tops, one of Grandpa's favorite songs. It used to be our song, a real happy song that we would sing together and we knew that nothing could defeat us. We could conquer the world!

Is he trying to send me a message...I can't wake up, but I am awake in my dream...

Beau....Beau....sing along with me....

"I'll be there

With a love that will shelter you
I''ll be there
With a love that will see you through"

"Beau....Beau...I know you feel lost and you feel like giving up...don't give up Beau...YOU are great...you will find a way...look inside yourself and you will find the answer ...Beau...REACH OUT...sing it...you can achieve anything you want...it feels like you are in the dark now...but remember this, Beau...YOU are a star, Beau, sing the song and conquer the world...Never lose hope, you never know what tomorrow will bring...REACH OUT..."

I awake suddenly from the dream. I look outside. The sky is filled with stars. Was it a dream or was Grandpa really here? What was he trying to tell me? Not to give up? To conquer the world? Yes....that's it...I can't give up...there is always hope.

I start humming the tune...slowly at first...but then... stronger...and louder...

You're right Grandpa. I can't give up. I haven't explored all my options. I need to explore...everywhere...I know I am not alone...someone was in my cave. What was I thinking...I sing louder...much LOUDER...I begin to feel stronger...I can do anything!

I think about Manny then and send one more message....

Manny, I don't know what has happened to you...but I must go on...I am sad that we no longer communicate with each other...I will treasure those letters...but I must go on...I must be strong...I must believe that there is a tomorrow...stay safe, Your friend in time, Beau

And now I need to make a new plan....but first, oh my plumbobs....I need to get cleaned up, eat something...

So that I will never drop into those moments of despair again, I make a little sign and put it in my cave...and set it up amongst the photos that I have taken...

Here is what it says....

And then I reach out.....I send another message into space...for someone...hopefully to answer. But until then...I will continue with my research...I will make this my home.

"dit dit dit - dah dah dah" S.O.S. Are you there? I am trapped in another time...I need help to get back to my own time...can you help me? I have shelter, food, and water, but I am stuck in another time...a parallel universe perhaps...please, please, help me return to what I once knew. "dit dit dit - dah dah dah" S.O.S. - Beau

Author's additional notes - In case anyone wants to hear the song that inspired Beau, here it is:



The Four Tops, Reach Out--I'll Be There, Motown, 1966.